[For Baze] Dated to the wee hours of 27 April

[illuxinated]

For the entire walk home, Lux keeps it together. It had been easier to do in the clinic, feeling like she needed to be strong for Jason. It wasn't as if she'd been the one buried alive, and it didn't seem fair to cry all over him or make a scene. James had been there, so eventually she'd left, and let the numb feeling carry her down the winding paths in the rain.

Telling Baze what's happened is the right thing to do, but beyond that, she just needs to lay eyes on him, to affirm something steady in her life. She keeps it together all the way to the front door of his hut, keeps it together even after she knocks, but the moment the door begins to swing open, everything hits her in a rush.

Standing there, she paints an alarming sight, soaking wet, clothes dirty, and fingertips taped up with bandages. Her face crumples, and before she can stop it, a loud sob pushes it's way free of her throat.

Comments

[weusedtoshine.livejournal.com]

She always knocks, even though he's told her that she doesn't have to, and he's yanking the door open with that on his lips before he sees her crying, sees the state of her and the bandages on her fingers.

"Jesus, Lux," he says, reaching out for her without hesitation, catching her by the shoulder and pulling her closer. "What happened?"

[illuxinated]

At first she can't speak at all, throat choked with sobs as she clings to Baze, face buried against the soft cotton of his shirt. She wants to just stay here, just like this forever, making up for all of the times when she never had it, never had anyone to run to or depend on.

"It's Jason," she finally manages to say, voice stilted and tight with emotion, her shoulders still shaking. "He was— he was— he was in the ground and I thought he was going to die, I thought I couldn't dig fast enough, I thought— I thought—" Another wave of emotion chokes her off, and she turns her face back in against Baze's chest.

[weusedtoshine.livejournal.com]

Both of his arms are wrapped tight around her, keeping her close as he tries to take in what she's just said to him. He cradles the back of her head, fingers pressed into her hair.

"Hey," he says, gently. "Hey. I've got you, okay? You're okay. Where's Jason now?"

He barely knows the kid but if he's got to go out and get him, he will. There's pretty much nothing he wouldn't do for Lux at this point.

[illuxinated]

It takes her a moment, time needed to roughly swallow back her emotion enough that she can speak again, can collect herself into something that makes even a little bit of sense.

"The clinic," she answers, the word half-muffled against Baze's t-shirt. "He's okay. He was hurt, but he'll be okay." Physically, at least, but maybe Jason's never been okay mentally or emotionally. Kids like the two of them so rarely are.

Drawing back, she peers up at Baze with despairing, red-rimmed eyes. "I have to tell you something. About when I was in the coma." If she doesn't do it now, maybe she never will.

[weusedtoshine.livejournal.com]

"You can tell me anything," he says, gently, not prompting her but not baout to get in her way, either. "You know that. C'mon."

[illuxinated]

There are so many reasons why admitting any of this is difficult. That Baze will be upset by it is a given, but Lux desperately doesn't want him to be upset with Jason, who, aside from one moment of selfishness, had done nothing wrong.

Does she tell Baze who Jason is? Will he even believe her if so?

"When I was out, it was real, you know that, right? I thought I was somewhere else, I didn't know," she begins, thinking that if he doesn't understand that part of it, there's no sense in telling him the rest. Being told it was just a dream is the last thing she wants to hear.

[weusedtoshine.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, Lux, I know," says Baze, nodding. He's still got his arms tight around her, frowning so hard that his temples are starting to hurt. "They told me. I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life."

[illuxinated]

That really doesn't make it any easier to confess to him what happened, but there's no getting around it now outside of lying, and Lux just isn't sure she has the energy for that tonight.

"I went home with Jason and his brother, Tim," she says, and wipes at her eyes to try and stave off a fresh wave of tears. "Some things happened while we were there. Not because of Jason or Tim, they just happened." That sort of vagary isn't going to fly and she knows it, but none of this is easy to say. "I was just walking in the garden of the house, and these guys in masks jumped out of a van and grabbed me. They took me, and I just…" A sob hiccups up from her throat, and she buries her face against Baze's shirt again. "I was really scared."

[weusedtoshine.livejournal.com]

He feels himself stiffen, even though he fights against it; that isn't what she needs from him right now. Every so often, he gets reminded that he's a father now like a punch to the gut. His arms tighten around her. He lets his nose drop into her hair.

"Did they...?" He can't believe he asks, but he has to. He has to know, one way or another.